GOING WITH THE FLOW IS NO "SECRET"

Millions are reading "The Secret," Rhonda Byrne's best-seller that claims to provide the secret of enormous success in life. Utilizing quotes from philosophers and scholars living and not, Byrne tells about the Universe's generosity and the Law of Attraction, wherein whatever we wish for, we can attain. Our thoughts are like magnets and whatever we think, good or bad, we bring back to us. Ask. Believe. Receive. Byrne and her team of experts claim this is the ancient method to wealth, health and happiness. It may even help with obesity and cancer. (And if the book doesn't do it for you, there's a video and an audio book that can help.) Most importantly for book sales, Oprah endorses it, claiming she's known the secret all along. (But Oprah can do her own promotions, she doesn't need my help.)

Believe it or not, I'm not going to debunk it. For one thing, I'm still working my way through it, so it would be unfair. But for another, there's much to be admired in it. A positive attitude is imperative to get what you need in life, while negative thinking does lead to despair and depression. No doubt. Positive visualization has indeed been proven an effective aid in not only modern AND ancient medicine, but likewise in people setting and attaining goals. Figuring out what you want and giving it words, a shape, some tangibility is crucial in the process of organizing and energizing one's life. And it is true that negative thinking can lead to a downward spiral, whereupon one brings disaster upon oneself as a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy. The book even suggests creating a list of things that give you warm and positive feelings, such that you can snap yourself out of self-destructive behaviors and thoughts. So in a very real sense, the book does raise valid points to incorporate into one's thinking.

However . . .

(You knew that was coming.)

However, where I question (at this point--remember, still reading!) is where the book advocates careful control of one's thoughts. The abundant universe is non-judgemental about your thoughts, returning all of them back to you with interest, be they positive or negative. Thus, if you have a bad thought, you may be bringing bad thoughts back to you, collecting bad karma. If wishing for something, you should ask the universe, believe you are receiving it and act as if you've already received it. Fine, but if you have problems doing that or if you have a moment of doubt, then you have put the whammy on yourself.

Now, the fact is, anything that requires you to monitor yourself that self-consciously has got to be problematic. And anything that leaves you feeling one false thought will lead to dire consequence is bound to make anyone a bit neurotic. Denying what you feel--and we all have a mix of good and bad feelings from moment to moment--takes away energy. "Blocking" all negative thoughts is actually an energy draining activity. We must live in the moment, and no one's moments are all good and happy. Trying to control how we think and feel and respond at all moments drains life of spontaneity, and while we may wish to be positive forces in the universe at all times, NO ONE is, not 24/7.

It is not Byrne's encouragement that I'm negating. It is the intensity being suggested in the pursuit of the positive goals.

My recommendation: plant positive seeds in your brain as a matter of course. Indeed, do set goals, and do try to imagine living those positive fantasies. Such activities cannot but help. However, go with the flow--be honest with all your feelings and emotions and don't try to shut out those which may not please you or may not serve. Whatever that feeling you may have, it is yours and you must own it, otherwise the denial will cost you far more energy than the acceptance of it. Trying to control or hold onto life too tightly, be it a negative or even a positive moment, leads to a backing up, a constipation of the natural flow of life. We cannot control each moment in time, nor should we want to control it. The beauty and the discovery of life happens with ease, an ease that comes with acceptance. By going with and contributing to a natural flow, we grow, change, build. We participate, we don't stand on the sidelines waiting only for that we are sure is the good stuff. Sure, we may make mistakes, but by being involved in the process of even a mistake, we grow and learn. And this doesn't mean we don't make commitments -- indeed, a good relationship is continuous but not stagnant. Our love is not made of cement like a house's foundation but rather is loose and flowing, tethered perhaps but allowing for changes of current.

Healthy dialogue allows for contradiction, opposition. Byrne describes the law of attraction as like attracting like, but haven't we also heard that opposites attract? And don't we have evidence to support it? Magnets? Ying and Yang? James Carville and Mary Matalin?

In short, don't hold life to tightly. Yes, take the positive approach and dream as big and brightly as you can. Love as much as you can (which Byrne endorses). But to spend life cautiously, to act as if it all might break, to walk on eggshells constantly--that can't be conducive to good emotional health! Nature gives us the good and the bad as part of the cycle. If you want one part, you must accept the whole package.

But who knows? I'll finish the book. Maybe I'll change my mind. I'm staying positive.