A GIFT FOR THE HOLIDAYS

Well, the holidays are zipping along and we're almost at the end of a highly-tumultuous 2009. (Tumultuous is a neat-sounding word, ain't it, even if if isn't always a fun way to go!)

Jobs and finances were at their absolute worst for me and most of the folk I know. Very few people had a good financial 2009--maybe Dick Cheney, but then again, he probably had most of his funds stuffed safely away somewhere in Dubai. (That Dick knows a good deal when he sees one.)

And at times, the frustration REEEEALLY wore me down. Not sure what was trickier--being unemployed for months on end, or then working part-time but not having an easy time on the job AND still not making enough $ to pay bills. And little-to-no supplemental work in sight.

BUT . . . life is full of contradictions. I had a very productive year as a playwright (which may mean at least my tin cup will have a neat inscription when I'm out on the corner). Lots of thrilling experiences, the best of which was the Last Frontier Theater Conference in Valdez, Alaska. Terrific people, terrific work, and a great sense of things that are still right with life. And as a result, I'm heading off to Anchorage in a week to see the world premiere of HEART, which was read at LFTC. It's been a long birthing process for HEART, but I'm so pleased that it finally will get to reach an audience in a fully-staged production under the loving care of ACT in Anchorage. (And who knows, maybe there will be a life beyond that, too!)

And I have spent a year where I've felt great love and support from friends new and old. Yes, Facebook can be the bane of one's existence, but it also brought me back in touch with more friends than I ever knew I had and it has led to warm conversations, revived friendships and the development of new, long-term relationships.

Speaking of relationships, I'm now working towards 25 years with my significant other. That I'm still in love after 24 years is wonderful, but that my partner, Barry, still puts up with me after 24 years--that is TRULY miraculous, and I am extremely grateful.

And I'm still grateful for the love of a dog. Above you see Chloe, the Steely's shih tzu who is five and is one of the sweetest, funniest, most complicated little dogs I've ever known. When she plays, she doesn't just play, she plays WITH YOU. And when given a new toy, she not only is the epitome of joy, but she is also visibly and demonstrably grateful--she let's you know just how much she appreciates your getting her something, even as her delight is palpable thanks enough. There is something so magical about letting go of human hubhub and just communing with a dog--pure, direct, and trusting, a lovely thing.

And despite a continually crumbling wreck of a body, I am grateful that time teaches patience and reminds us that everything comes in cycles. For every downturn, eventually an upturn will come. That is a lesson that only comes with time, and I genuinely ache for my teenage students who don't know that riding out the pain will eventually lead somewhere--they just don't know it yet.

Accepting oneself takes a lot of work over a lifetime. I'm closer than I've ever been to accepting this nutcase/fruitcake I am or have grown into, although I know I still have a long, long way to go. I do know that acceptance of ourselves and of others, warts and all, is one of life's great challenges and also the source of its greatest rewards. And for that realization, I am truly blessed and grateful, even as I struggle to make peace with myself and others, as we all do.

So . . . this seems the perfect time to say thanks to family and friends, to wish everyone peace and (hopefully) prosperity in the New Year and a third "P"--patience. Life is not predictable and perhaps that is for the best. But one has to believe that putting one's best into the world will ultimately bring, if not peace, dignity.

Happy 2010.